Discolor Online

Weblog of the sweetest person you never want to piss off.


The Motherfucking Seattle Underground Tour

I am not happy.

The Green Ronin annual summit is something I look forward to every year. I go to great lengths to make sure everything is just so for my boys. I try to do everything in my power to make sure everyone has an easy stay, has anything they need, has entertainment and food and drink and basically anything they need. Special diet? Done! Special travel arrangements or rooming needs? Done! Seafood-free, high-end vegetarian meals? Done and done, sweetheart. I'll take care of you, just ask!

So, when one of my guys expressed interest in taking the Bill Speidel's Seattle Underground Tour, I made sure on the eve of our summit adventures, I made sure it was arranged. Or, I thought I did.

I had called the motherfucking Bill Speidel's Seattle Underground Tour people, made sure that we could get a tour this Friday. I called the number, listened to the recorded message about how awesome it would be, visited the webpage, saw where they offer "Private Tours may be booked with two weeks' advance notice by calling 206-682-4646, ext 202" and called for exactly that. I talked to a man, who did not identify himself. I gave him my information, told him I wanted 8 tickets to the Underworld Tour (the 21 an over evening tour) and was told, yes, they could do it. I should show up at 7:10 to pick up my tickets and it was no problem. I called in advance, I gave the correct dates, I was told we were in, no problem.


My entire team showed up for this tour. We entered the "bar" which was completely empty, and the area for tickets was shuttered. We were approached by a waitress who asked us for ID. We told her we were there for the Underground tour and she told us they don't DO them in October because "it gets dark early and we can't do the tour in the dark." That was it. She had no idea who would could have talked to who would have told us that we could have a tour today, no sympathy, no answers, just NO.

I hate the motherfucking Bill Speidel's Seattle Underground Tour. I hate being left hanging. I hate being LIED to and treated with such lack of respect: if you tell me to show up on October 5th at 7:10pm to pick up my tickets for a 7:30 tour, we'd better get a damn tour! I could have organized a different event for my team. I could have planned a better meal than falafel at nearby Zaina (as nice a falafel as they make, it's just falafel). I wouldn't have paid $10 for shitty parking in the obscene junky-town of Pioneer Square. I wouldn't have had to resort to the too-loud (if drink-a-riffic) Zig Zag as a stop-gap activity for my guys. We wouldn't have been aggressively pan-handled by the totally crazy guy looking for "chicken with spicy sauce" and accusing us of not giving it to him because he was black.. we wouldn't have had to deal with him nearly crawling into our car as we tried to get away! If you Bill Speidel's Seattle Underground Tour assholes hadn't LIED to me, I wouldn't have had such a god-awful bad night to kick off such precious time with my friends and employees... because I consider these guys my friends first and I'm ashamed to have put my friends through this. That's not how I do things, motherfucking Bill Speidel's Seattle Underground Tours, and I can't forgive you for hanging me out to dry like that.

Screw you, Bill Speidel's Seattle Underground Tours, you lying sacks of shit. Screw you for getting my summit off to such a craptacular start. It's not like I look forward to this event all year or anything, assholes.



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