Discolor Online

Weblog of the sweetest person you never want to piss off.



You may remember that back in May I splurged on a new microwave as a Mother's Day present to myself. It's been a delightful six months of getting to know each other. This puppy has features that I haven't even begun to explore. I've been trying out all sorts of new things that I never could have conceived of trying with my old appliance and I've done a heck of a job keeping the thing sparkling clean, too. Everything is covered before cooking, the inside of the microwave is wiped out regularly. All has been well.

(Thankfully it hasn't fallen victim to my anti-technology aura, either... knock wood!)

Things with the microwave were going along so well that I decided to try a recipe for "roasting" garlic. I love roasted garlic and if I could end up with a close approximation to actual roasted garlic through a microwave technique, I'd be quite happy. It just seems too much trouble (and very energy wasteful) to heat the oven for roasted garlic alone, which definitely discourages me from making it whenever the urge strikes.

So. I follow the recipe and start cooking away. Less than halfway through the programmed cook time I start smelling burned garlic! Holy crap, I think to myself, this microwave is way stronger than this recipe calls for. Sure enough, I extract the garlic and it is a dessicated, brown-black lump, sizzling away. The plastic wrap that was over the dish has melted away completely into nothing more than a crispy film fused to the edges of the dish. Luckily, I have more garlic! Undaunted, I adjust my process and try again. Same results.

By now the entire house reeks of burned garlic. Chris walked in the house and told me he could smell it out on the street! Nothing even approaching edible and certainly nothing I would call "roasted" came out of this experiment. What we did get, however, was the long lingering stench of burned garlic. Even after the smell cleared the rest of the house, it continued to spew forth from the microwave. It rolled out whenever the door was opened, it belched forth from the vents whenever the microwave was running and threatened to attach itself to whatever else we might be heating. DISGUSTING.

Of course I had thoroughly (so I thought) cleaned the microwave as soon as the "garlic roasting" experiment was over. I used regular Clorox kitchen wipes, I broke out the Easy-Off Microwave Wipes, I tried baking soda, vinegar, baking soda and vinegar. Then I went all out with home remedies: I boiled tea bags in the microwave, I boiled lemons, I boiled a baking soda and vinegar solution. Every time I seemed to dull the fumes, but it hasn't banished the smell. It's almost gone now, just a hint, a whiff of the original reek remains. I'm sad. I don't want my softened ice cream or my warmed Silk Nog to stink.

A few more days of boiling lemons and vinegar and I'm going to resort to cracking the thing open and cleaning its parts.


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