Discolor Online

Weblog of the sweetest person you never want to piss off.



Had a great time at a press screening of Stealth the other night. Make no mistake, this movie blows apes; I laughed my ass off. Jessica Biel is eye candy, and they give her some custom-made form fitting flight suits to prove it, but the audience was not buying the romance angle (the theater laughed out loud during the scenes of supposed romantic tension) and even I've picked up more about military tactics from having the History Channel on in the background while doing crossword puzzles! The super-AI jet that's going to save the world gains sentience and goes nutso after a lightning strike. Pilots are able to decide on their own that they're just not going to follow through on a mission because their cockpit computer seems to be picking up people in the area: "They're farmers!" our lady pilot frets aloud from her super-sonic jet racing above the mountain tops. "The collateral damages will be too high!" Josh Lucas and his unnaturally blue eyes can't stand the pain... better to let rogue elements run off with those SCUD missile carcasses and nuke heads. I mean, what could happen? A mission over Tajikistan somehow ends up with a pilot bailing out over North Korea. Oh, I could go on, but surely this movie will show up in a future incarnation of Mystery Science Theater 3000 and I'd hate to ruin everything for you.


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